“So, what’s the point, nothing seems to matter anymore. I’m just going through the motions.”

“So, what’s the point, nothing seems to matter anymore. I’m just going through the motions.” I can’t tell you how many thousands of times I have heard this from depressed clients. I hear this from young and old, every ethnic background, male or female. It is a feeling that is shared by the rich, poor and middle class. Too often their depression is blamed on a chemical imbalance, when in reality they have an imbalance in their life, a lack of purpose.

We have all questioned the value of our existence and felt lost. It is no wonder that the suicide rates have increased, particularly among the middle aged, teens and veterans. Why? I believe that it is because we have been taught a culture of goals, rather than purpose. I cannot overemphasize the importance of purpose in one’s life. Studies have shown that a “Sense of purpose in life is not only a factor that decreases the risk of suicidal tendencies but also addictions (e.g., Harlow et al. 1986; Kinnier et al. 1994; Marsh et al. 2003).”

Most of us believe in God. We talk about His “plan” for us but fail to use our gifts to live out our purpose for living. It took me awhile to discover my purpose. The first part of my life was spent trying to follow the crowd, to make more money, trade in the car every two years and compete with the “Joneses.” It worked for awhile, but like 99.9% of humanity, I got kicked in the ass by reality. As I was sitting in bankruptcy Court wondering if I could afford to keep the house, I came to realize that I had never been taught the need to have a purpose. I was taught the importance of appearance, good grades and making money, but never the “Why.”

I discovered that my purpose was to be a good husband, father, and to help others. Yes, I needed to go back to school and get a job but I understood that those were goals I needed to achieve to pursue my purpose. It is vital that we realize (and teach our children) that achievements are transient accomplishments, goals merely stepping stones to fulfilling your purpose.

Look at the messages that we are sending our children. Society is teaching them that the purpose of going to school is to get A’s, be accepted into the college of your choice and head out into the world well prepared for life. WRONG! The purpose of education is to attain knowledge, which includes both success and failure. If we teach our children that good grades are the purpose of going to school, what happens when they get that “A”? They have to start from scratch and they learn that their worth is determined by their report card. So what happens when they get an F? Depression!

The middle aged person who was taught that “The one who dies with the most toys wins”, believes that their worth is dependent on acquisition goals. They will often crash when a job is lost or they retire. They question the meaning of life as they realize that they cannot “have it all.” So what happens? Depression!

Veterans have frequently told me that one of their biggest struggles was to discover what their purpose was after they separated from the service. They had lived in an environment where the total focus and goal was to be part of a “family”. A family of soldiers who were taught that their value was to be warriors. They transition to civilian life frequently feeling that they have left their true purpose behind. What happens then? Depression.

I have struggled with following my purpose. There have been times that I have had some very high stress crappy jobs that I needed to fill my survival needs (food, shelter and a happy wife). It was my purpose that anchored me. I was able to weave my desire and ability to help others into whatever situation that I found myself. That is what will keep me going throughout my life.

Remember, acquisitions break and goals change but purpose remains a constant!