If you want to screw up your kids…

If you want to screw up your kids…

Make them more important than your marriage

Remember when…

• You called your spouse lover instead of Mommy or Daddy?
• Pamper was something you did instead of something you changed?
• Watching The Wiggles was not the cultural highlight of your week?
• Your car did not carry the residual odor of rotting bananas and children’s waste products?
• Discipline was something that you lacked rather than something you had to instill?

Those were the days! In all my years of working with couples and families, I have never had anyone tell me that they chose their partner simply because they were good breeding stock. People fall in love, get married, and have children. The children are a byproduct of a loving relationship, not the sole purpose of the family’s existence. What children can do to a relationship between two loving adults is akin to what a school of piranhas can do to a nice juicy cow – they can strip a relationship to the bone!

Yes, the basic needs of the child must come first. However, too often parents will put the selfish wants of the child in front of their own needs, which often leads to a broken relationship. We get jealous of the attention that the child gets and frustrated by the lack of attention that the relationship gets. So we fill our time by becoming workaholics, seeking someone else to fulfill our emotional needs, or we suffer in silence and become a stranger to the very person with whom we chose to spend our life.

There is another reason that parents need to be dedicated to each other-KIDS LEARN FROM WHAT THEY SEE! How you live out your marriage is how they will live out theirs. If you ignore your partner’s needs, your children will learn to bring selfishness into their own relationships. If they see you dedicated to the acquisition of “stuff” they will learn that appearance is more important than substance. Your marriage is as important to them as it is to you!

Finally, when all is said and done, your children will (hopefully) have moved on and created their own lives. That leaves just the two of you. Be good to each other now so you can be good to each other later.