THE IMPORTANCE OF APPRECIATION

I was sitting around with a bunch of other “squeaky antiqueys” solving the problems of the world. As usual, the subject of the teenage generation came up with the usual litany of complaints. “No respect, selfish, all about how they look and wanting it all, but not wanting to work for it.” After pointing out that I know a lot of good kids, I have to admit that our society throws a lot of negative messages at both the parent and child. We are bombarded with ads that tell us we are only successful if we have the latest phone, the best looking hair, nicest car and attend the best college. We are taught how important it is to be number one at all costs and yet, we are never satisfied because there is always someone richer, prettier or more perfect than we are.

If I could teach one lesson to all the children and teens it would be that of appreciation. I don’t know how we have come to be blessed with so much. Why did we wind up in a comfortable middle class world with food and shelter taken for granted? Why were we not born into extreme poverty, having to scrounge in garbage dumps for a meal? I don’t know. I do know that we don’t count our blessings nearly enough and have failed to pass the lesson of appreciation to the next generation.

Appreciation can lead to so many good things that it truly does make your life more rewarding. It leads to mindfulness, the ability to live in the moment rather than stress about the future. When we appreciate the difficulties of others, we open ourselves to understanding and healing. When we appreciate the good of others, we become thankful they are in our lives. When we appreciate what we have, we lose our jealousy and become more charitable. It helps us in our family relationships, job and school.

I have always been amazed that some of the most peaceful people I have ever met have been in the midst of struggles. I was once roped into going to a wedding in a downtown park; a wedding where the majority of guests were homeless. Among the guests was an elderly blind man. Disheveled, and clearly in need of a shower, he was being helped by both his fellow homeless and those in the wedding party. As he sat on the edge of the stage, the music started playing and he began to sway with the melody. He started to smile and that smile grew bigger as he enjoyed the food, the companionship, and the fact that he was being treated like a human being. I have never seen such appreciation over a bowl of ice cream. As I looked around, I realized that he was not alone. People that I would’ve never expected to be grateful were filled with an incredible appreciation of the moment.

We need to pass that lesson on to our children. How often have our children heard us complain about our lives? There is never enough money or time to be joyful. We will be happy when…fill in the blank. Our attitude is reflected in our children. They learn to be disappointed at what they don’t have instead of being able to appreciate what they have at this moment.

So, how can we teach that? It’s a simple process. Look for the good. That is really tough advice. It took me years to look for the good in some of my family members. It was too easy to be angry at my parents for their choices, I felt like my mother chose alcohol over me and my father was too involved in his career to rescue me. Only when I appreciated what they went through, the difficulties that they experience and recognize their qualities, could I understand and appreciate the good that was in them. Appreciation is what allowed me to forgive and heal. Angry with a spouse, child, or sibling? Appreciate the good in them and everything will change.

Want your child to develop gratitude and lose their sense of entitlement? Expose them to need. Remember when your parent or grandparent said “You don’t realize how good you have it?” They were (and are) right. Stop trying to protect them. Let them see the homeless children. Watch the documentaries about poverty in India and Africa and how lucky children are to merely live till their teens. Take them to a soup kitchen and have then serve those who are their own age. Maybe they will appreciate their Samsung instead of whining for an Iphone. Maybe, they will want to be part of the solution. When they appreciate the plight of others, they will appreciate the blessings that are right in front of them.