Seasons Greetings

T’was the night after Labor Day

And all through the land

Retailers were grinning

As they held out their hand

Let’s charge and cheer

THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE!

Halloween has turned into a month long celebration and, before the ghouls are gone, we have been launched into the Christmas shopping frenzy with a brief stop at Thanksgreeding! We have gone from the celebration of a few special days to hoping to survive these three months emotionally (and financially).

So, after six decades of holiday fun and dysfunction, I am offering you my top three suggestions to keep the fun in dysfunction.

NUMBER 1- KEEP YOUR EXPECTATIONS REAL

We have all watched those wonderful Christmas specials. No matter what has happened in the past the family gets together during the final 20 minutes, all differences are settled, the children behave and all is good. They give each other the perfect gift, they say the perfect words and they go off into the New Year with a sense of peace and fulfillment.

Don’t you hate them! The reality is that you cannot expect anywhere near perfection. Don’t expect that the family members or acquaintances that you don’t like during the year will change and become lovable during a six-week period of merriment. The fact is if you didn’t like being with them in July, you won’t like being with them in December.

Be kind to yourself. I have had those holidays where my wife, Claire, and I went absolutely crazy trying to make the holiday special for everybody else but forgot ourselves. Remember the times when you planned a commando raid on Toys ”R” Us to find that special gift the young’un had been begging for (you know, the one that your child unwrapped and tossed aside). Maybe it was the three days of baking and making chocolate to distribute to everyone you have ever met. After all, if you gave something to Joe at work, then you had to give something to everyone around you. Pretty soon, you were baking till midnight on Christmas Eve and then scrambling to attend Church, only to return home to put the gifts under the tree. That is if you have completed the assembly and finished putting the decals on. Finally, you fell in bed only to be awoken three hours later to hop on the treadmill of perfection once again.

Start now! Sit down with your family and decide on how you want to celebrate. Decide on what activities you could do together that would be meaningful and not cost a whole lot. Maybe it is visiting an elderly relative or friend, someone who might be lonely. Maybe just taking in a free concert and walking around the Christmas display with a cup of hot chocolate. It doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated to be good.

Finally, don’t forget to forgive yourself. If the cookies are a little burned around the edges or the turkey meat is a little dry, SO WHAT! If your friends and family are showing up for the quality of the food, direct them to the nearest restaurant.

NUMBER 2- AVOID THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS DEBT PAST

According to the American consumer credit counseling, the average American will spend about $1000 during the Christmas season. Put that on a credit card, pay the minimum amount and you will be still paying two Christmases from now. It takes about 25 months to pay it off. How is that for a gift that keeps on giving! Two years of debt for gifts that will probably never be remembered. What will be remembered is how mommy and daddy argued about money.

There is no more dangerous time to fall into a financial trap then at Christmas. Maybe we feel guilty that we have not given our kids enough during the year, or have not spent enough time with them. We get seduced by the good feelings, the music in the stores, the desire to make it perfect for our loved ones. Unfortunately, we wind up counting the bills instead of our blessings. I have to admit that I used to try and avoid the malls by telling Claire I was just trying to save us money. Note to husbands-it didn’t work then and it won’t work now.

So, do your best to keep your plastic in your wallet and your wallet in your pocket. Back in the “olden days” banks used to offer a Christmas club. Starting in January, you could go and have an amount deposited every week so that by the time Thanksgiving rolled around, you would have accumulated your Christmas bankroll. Banks don’t like that anymore. After all, they make a lot more money charging you ridiculous interest. They don’t want you to save, they want you to pay interest. So, if your bank does not offer it, set up your own and have money deposited every week. Watch the holiday stress melt away when you can actually afford it!

NUMBER THREE- KEEP YOUR KIDS ON A SCHEDULE

Remember, if you are feeling the stress, so are your children. They need to be kept on schedule, get enough sleep, and not be taught that chocolate is the fourth food group. I have to laugh at all of the years that we wanted our children to be perfect. We wanted to show them off to our relatives in their finest clothes and on their best behavior. We came to realize that was not going to happen when they got five hours of sleep and ate whatever they felt like.

Don’t expect perfection. I see so many parents get upset that the children are not smiling and well behaved throughout the season. My favorite example, getting them to smile for the perfect picture while sitting on Santa’s lap. Remember, that you spend most of the year telling them to watch out for strangers. Now you are sitting them on the lap of a scary big guy with a face full of hair and questionable fashion sense and expecting them to smile. Is it any surprise that they want to escape?

Be realistic in your expectations, feed and water them well, and give them plenty of sleep and you will be amazed!