REDUCING DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY IN OUR KIDS

The numbers are heartbreaking.  More children and teens suffer from depression and anxiety than ever before. They engage in self-harm and suicide at an ever-increasing rate.  It is foolish to think that it is all caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain or genetics.  It is idiocy to believe that it can all be cured with a “magic pill.”  It is us, and the world that we have created (or destroyed) that is a primary reason why our children are suffering.

Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? After all, they seem to have everything that money can by. Even when dealing with impoverished families over the last 20 years, the children have “stuff” that I could never have imagined.  The fact is that we have created an over stimulated generation and taught them to focus on acquisition instead of purpose.

Look at what they have been exposed to since 9/11.  Terrorism, school shootings, recessions, internet misuse, and bullying have become the norm of their environment.  They absorb parental insecurity and have evolved from arguing about who was the better baseball team (NY METS) to which presidential candidate is less likely to lead us into a nuclear war or homelessness.  They are taught that they have to mold themselves into money making acquisition machines if they are going to be valued. They have no more heroes, rather they have been taught to cynically examine others to find flaws instead of strengths.

We have taught them to look outside themselves for worth.  No longer is being a good and moral person listed as a goal. We have given them the unattainable goal of being the best, rather than doing their best. How many parents let their kids know that they don’t have to be the prettiest, fastest, smartest, most popular child with the newest IPhone and most toys to be successful?  It is no wonder that they are full of angst.

It was easier for my generation.  Not that we didn’t face pressure or criticism, but it was different. We could get some support from our friends with real face to face conversations.  We only had to worry about the occasional bully, rather than the hundred of so called social media “friends” who spew anonymous hatred in an attempt to feel superior. We could escape our problems; they cannot. We also had a generation that was taught to value community.  We were taught that part of our worth was to help our neighbors, to help carry their groceries or shovel the snow of an elderly neighbor.  We learned that self worth and success comes not from what we got, but what we did.  We learned to feel good about ourselves without having the latest fashion!

The depressed and anxious teens that I have worked with have all identified a sense of worthlessness, lack of hope in the future, and isolation.  They have all talked about unrealistic expectations by parents and school, as well as incredible pressure from the internet.  They don’t feel good enough to be accepted.  They feel isolated with no real direction, purpose, or sense of community.  Their depression cannot be blamed exclusively on a  biochemical imbalance in their brain, but reflects a reaction to environmental stressors.

So, how can we change the environment?  Start to show that you value your child for what he is rather than what you think he should accomplish!  It is sad that I have had teens tell me that they want their parents to just put down the phone and LISTEN.  How would you feel if the greatest influence in your life put their electronic device ahead of your needs? Depressed maybe?  Anxious that you aren’t good enough? Change the way that you talk about success.  Focus on effort, purpose, and morality.  Every child can succeed at being a good person. Value that success and they will feel good about themselves!

Develop sources of support for them. Think about attending Church and worshipping as a family. I asked my own children what was important to them about practicing our faith when they were younger (they continue to attend regularly with their children). I received a beautiful rainbow of answers from “A place of refuge from the craziness of life” to feelings of acceptance, community, family, and purpose. They were able to learn gratitude and practice charity.

So, to sum things up, we need to change ourselves to change our children.

LISTEN TO THEM-They will learn that they are valued.  Show them that they are more worthy of your attention than your Facebook friends.

TEACH THEM TRUE MEANING- They will learn that success comes from within, not from appearance or acquisition.  All children have the ability to find purpose and in that pursuit will learn success.

PRAY WITH THEM- Open your mind to the possibility that believing in God is a wonderful parenting tool. When you teach children about a loving God, they learn that they are wonderful, unique human beings worthy of love and respect.

So, if you want to help your child’s mental health create an environment that offers purpose, acceptance, hope, and lots of faith!