HAPPY 15,705.75th ANNIVERSARY!!!!

Try to put that on a Hallmark card! August 17 marks the number of days that Claire and I have been married. Sounds a lot more impressive than 43 years! That doesn’t even take into account the years we dated after meeting on a blind date. Add those years in and the grand total comes to almost 17,000! We were young (20 and 22), did not have a college degree, and had crazy family lives with not very many good role models. Our parents did not think very highly of their child’s choices for a mate and were less than enthused about our nuptials. It was never supposed to work. Guess what? It did! Take that you doubters!

A lot of people have said that we must love each other a lot to have stayed together. That’s true, but then I thought about that four letter word “love” and it just really isn’t adequate to describe what holds us together. After all, there are just too many “loves” out there. Claire loves chick flicks and I love Mel Brooks movies. She loves chocolate and I really, really love a good plate of linguine and clams. We can love our first cup of coffee, sleeping in, skipping work and just being left alone. None of those are the types of “love” that have held us together.

So, let me describe what has held us together, the glue that allowed us to survive and discover true love.

MARITAL LOVE IS

COMMITMENT

Maybe we were just young and foolish but we decided that we would stick it out. That once we said “I do” there was no alternative but to dedicating ourselves to making it all work.   We realized that we were a union and that we both would have to fight to preserve it. Were there times when we questioned our sanity and wanted to, run away? Sometimes DAILY, but we didn’t and I thank God we persevered.

INTIMACY

No, I am not talking about the fun stuff! I am talking about the ability to expose your emotional nakedness to your spouse. True intimacy is the ability to accept and feel accepted for your thoughts and feelings.

UNITY

You can’t be a partnership and have different goals. Claire and I might have different likes and desires but we realized those could be accommodated within our marriage. Our goal was to create a strong and loving family, do some good in the world and be friends. SUCCESS

 FRIENDSHIP

We needed to learn how to be best friends; to develop a friendship that made us want to come home and share. A friendship that is so comfortable that we can laugh about the new aches and pains. A friendship that is strong enough to share our fear as well as our joy.

LOYALTY

This isn’t just about a physical thing; emotional loyalty is one of the most critical issues in a marriage. It is sticking up for your spouse! You might call him/her a nitwit in private but NEVER allow it from the in-laws. Share the good stuff in public, fix the bad stuff in private!

ACCEPT

It took us awhile to figure it out but we came to understand that we will NEVER UNDERSTAND. Simply put, men and women are different creatures. We are programmed that way. She will never understand why I don’t ask directions and I will never understand why the detergent must be added to the wash before the clothes are tossed in. WHO CARES? Just accept and don’t try to change them.

FORGIVE

It is a fact that husbands and wives will hurt and disappoint each other. If it was not done intentionally, forgive and move on, it was not a big deal! If it was intentional, forgive and go to a marriage counselor.

APPRECIATE

Too often we get selfish and want our partner to appreciate us. That will happen when we focus on appreciating them. One day, I came home from work and wanted some attention. Then I realized that this woman, who had the insight to choose me, had spent part of the night feeding our second born and most of the day taking care of the sick toddler. I quickly learned how important her role was and I REALLY appreciated going to work. Seriously, we learned to recognize and be grateful for the others commitment to our shared life.

DREAM

Never lose the ability to dream. When we were at our lowest, it was our dreams and confidence in each other that kept us going.

ACKNOWLEDGE

Throughout our married life, whenever I got really frustrated, angry and upset, I asked myself one question; “Am I better off with her or without her?” I guess I know the answer.

Finally, I asked Claire what she thought was a really important thing to remember and she responded with the importance of the words:

“Yes dear, you are right!”

So, with the hopes that this blind date never regains her sight, I offer her my gratitude, appreciation and a love that exceeds linguini and clams!